


You Have A New Notification

by AmberWarrior



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-12-16 10:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberWarrior/pseuds/AmberWarrior
Summary: Two boys being stupid until they fall in love.





	1. Chapter 1

Jeagershit [9:21am]: JEAN  
Jeagershit [9:21am]: JEAN  
Jeagershit [9:21am]: HORSEFACE  
Jeagershit[ 9:21am]: JEAN

Neighmotherfucker [9:22am]: WHAT EREN I TOLD YOU I HAVE CLASS NOW

Jeagershit [9:23am]: What do you call a horse with no clothes

Neighmotherfucker [9:23am]: NO

Jeagershit [9:23am]: NEIGH-KED

Neighmotherfucker [9:23am]: FUCK OFF

Jeagershit [9:24am]: #rood

 

Neighmotherfucker [1:00pm]: Ur lucky I changed my text notification back from the German screaming you changed it to otherwise I might’ve really gotten kicked outta class

Jeagershit [1:03pm]: You barely pass your courses so it’s not like actually attending class would make a difference

Neighmotherfucker [1:04pm]: At least thoughts of a non-existent art career doesn’t keep me up at night

Jeagershit [1:05pm]: Wow someone woke up on the wrong side of the hay

Neighmotherfucker [1:07pm]: Someone woke up on the wrong side of purgatory

Jeagershit [1:08pm]: Ooh touche  
Jeagershit [1:08pm]: Butt  
Jeagershit [1:08pm]: Guess  
Jeagershit [1:09pm]: Whose  
Jeagershit [1:09pm]: Birthday is coming up

Neighmotherfucker [1:11pm]: As far as I know you never left the womb

Jeagershit [1:11pm]: Am I dead to you

Neighmotherfucker [1:12pm]: Wow you actually caught on congrats  
Neighmotherfucker [1:12pm]: Tho I’m personally far more hyped for April fools

Jeagershit [1:13pm]: Eh well  
Jeagershit [1:14pm]: Now that you reminded me it’s almost April now I have to get you a present too…sigh…whyyyyy

Neighmotherfucker [1:15pm]: Man you’re really shit at giving presents ya know  
Neighmotherfucker [1:15pm]: You’ve been giving Mikasa the same red scarf for like 10 years now

Jeagershit [1:16pm]: Oh yeah and I’m sure ur ‘date me 4 free’ coupons were any better

Neighmotherfucker [1:17pm]: Yeah but there was an actual gift card under there u know  
Neighmotherfucker [1:17pm]: The perfect gift card

Jeagershit [1:20pm]: How thoughtful of you

Neighmotherfucker [1:21pm]: IRK  
Neighmotherfucker [1:22pm]: ttyl my bus is coming

Jeagershit [1:23pm]: Ew what did you do to it

Neighmotherfucker [1:23pm]: CAN YOU NOT

Jeagershit [1:23pm]: Lololol ttyl

 

Jeagershit [10:50am]: What is this

Neighmotherfucker [10:59am]: What

Jeagershit [10:59am]: I opened ur gift

Neighmotherfucker [11:00am]: So  
Neighmotherfucker [11:00am]: Did u like the card I made u  
Neighmotherfucker [11:00am]: Full of luv

Jeagershit [11:11am]: It looks like it’s been sat on  
Jeagershit [11:12am]: It literally says ‘hippe berth dae’ and nothing else  
Jeagershit [11:12am]: There is nothing else

Neighmotherfucker [1:13pm]: Did you open the actual present yet tho

Jeagershit [11:13am]: I feel blank  
Jeagershit [11:13am]: Should I even bother opening it

Neighmotherfucker [1:14pm]: Oh come on Jeager you got me a toothbrush last year lighten up

Jeagershit [11:15am]: Tru  
Jeagershit [11:16am]: Ok I’m opening it

Neighmotherfucker [1:16am]: A+ commentary

Jeagershit [11:17am]: Shush up horse  
Jeagershit [11:18am]:…it’s the same gift card you got Mika

Neighmotherfucker [11:20am]: Well it is the PERFECT gift card  
Neighmotherfucker [11:21am]: Can use at any eftpos terminal which means any store  
Neighmotherfucker [11:21am]: It’s like a handicard except it’s not even your own money  
Neighmotherfucker [11:21am]: It’s so useful I mean  
Neighmotherfucker [11:21am]: Even I could use one too hint hint nudge nudge

Jeagershit [11:23am]: Yeah yeah we’ll see bout your present don’t get ur dick up  
Neighmotherfucker [11:24am]: OI

 

Jeagershit [2:42pm]: Thank ye horse

Neighmotherfucker [2:43pm]: Hippe berth dae

——

Jeagershit [5:28pm]: Hey  
Jeagershit [5:29pm]: Do you think instruments get their hearts broken every time they’re…PLAYED???

Neighmotherfucker [5:31pm]: Can you not  
Neighmotherfucker [5:32pm]: I didn’t sign up for this

Jeagershit [5:33pm]: I didn’t sign up for an unappreciative friend yet here I am

Neighmotherfucker [5:35pm]: Tomorrow’s april fools  
Neighmotherfucker [5:35pm]: You’ll see just how appreciative I am, dick

Jeagershit [5:36pm]: Hey hey I just finished a major work I didn’t prepare any countermeasures go easy on me

Neighmotherfucker [5:36pm]: You wish  
Neighmotherfucker [5:37pm]: Is that draft I saw with the melon and 3 apples in front of it the work u finished?

Jeagershit [5:37pm]: Yeah why

Neighmotherfucker [5:38pm]: It’s a joke  
Neighmotherfucker [5:39pm]: By finishing it you just pranked yourself for april fools so I guess I don’t need to try that hard

Jeagershit [5:40pm]: This will be  
Jeagershit [5:40pm]: The last time you mock my art  
Jeagershit [5:41pm]: I will show you the true meaning of my existence

Neighmotherfucker [5:42pm]: Yeah sure u can try  
Neighmotherfucker [5:43pm]: Maybe it comes out decently I can at least pass it off for recycled plastic and sell it off for a couple bucks

Jeagershit [5:44pm]: You  
Jeagershit [5:44pm]: Will  
Jeagershit [5:44pm]: See

——

Eren [12:05pm]: HEY ASSHORSE  
Eren [12:06pm]: IF YOU HIDE ONE MORE DILDO IN MY WARDROBE AGAIN I FUCKING SWEAR I’LL SHOVE YOUR FACE DOWN MY BLOCKED TOILET AND DIP YOU LIKE A PLUNGER

Arminator [12:10pm]: Um

Eren [12:13pm]: OH SHIT  
Eren [12:14pm]: THAT WASNT MEANT FOR YOU ARMIN OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY THAT WAS FOR JEAN   
Eren [12:14pm]: I CHANGED HIS CONTACT NAME AND MUST’VE ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED YOU INSTEAD

Arminator [12:15pm]: Oh  
Arminator [12:20pm]: Well  
Arminator [12:20pm]: Did you use it?

Eren [12:22pm]: What?

Arminator [12:22pm]: The dildo

Eren [12:23pm]: SHUT UP ARMIN

Arminator [12:23pm]: April fools Eren :-)

 

Asshorse [3:33pm]: April fools bitch

Jaegershit [3:35pm]: Why am I not surprised  
Jaegershit [3:36pm]: YOU HIDE A FUCKING SEX TOY IN MY ROOM EVERY YEAR

Asshorse [3:37pm]: It’s part of the gag

Jaegershit [3:37pm]: What, the gag you got me 3 years ago?

Asshorse [3:38pm]: NO like the RUNNING GAG  
Asshorse [3:40pm]: u know what nvmd

Jeagershit [3:42pm]: Shit got your tongue?

Asshorse [3:42pm]: Oh shut up

Jaegershit [3:50pm]: WHY U KEEP GETTING ME DEM THO  
Jeagershit [3:50pm]: ITS GETTING OLD

Asshorse [3:53pm]: 1) To make fun of your little virgin ass  
Asshorse [3:54pm]: 2) So I can tell your partner you’re a kinky lil shit and have solid proof

Jaegershit [3:58pm]: wHY WOULD THEY EVEN NEED TO KNOW THAT  
Jaegershit [3:58pm]: NOT THAT IT’S EVEN TRUE

Asshorse [3:59pm]: Hey if they can’t handle that how will they handle the Jeagerbomb eyyy?

Jaegershit [4:01pm]: What’s it to you horse

Asshorse [4:01pm]: Just your BEST BUD lookin out for ya mate  
Asshorse [4:02pm]: btw I’m surprised u didn’t find it sooner  
Asshorse [4:02pm]: Was fully prepared to be woken up with a threat on my balls

Jaegershit [4:03pm]: Um about that

Asshorse [4:04pm]: ?

Jaegershit [4:05pm]: Just consider yourself luckier than Armin

Asshorse [4:05pm]: YOU DIDN’T

Jaegershit [4:06pm]: Yes I did

Asshorse [4:06pm]: HOW COULD YOU TO OUR LIL FUNGI

Jaegershit [4:06pm]: You know mushroom sounds better than fungi

Asshorse [4:07pm]: Yeah but he can also be a fun guy sometimes u kno

Jaegershit [4:08pm]: ur so old

 

Arminator [2:44pm]: They call me asymptote because they can’t touch me ;)

Eren [2:45pm]: Armin   
Eren [2:45pm]: I’m sorry but literally no-one can understand your math puns

Arminator [2:46pm]: :(   
Arminator [2:47pm]: But Erwin got it!!

Eren [2:47pm]: YOU TOLD ERWIN THAT?  
Eren [2:48pm]: I know ur friends but chill

Arminator [2:49pm]: Hey you got into a full blown argument with Levi about how to tie a cravat yesterday I don’t think you have a right to tell me to chill  
Arminator [2:50pm]: Anyway Erwin said me and him should have another study session soon since we haven’t had one in like, two days :D

Eren [2:51pm]: Yeah well why don’t you tell him the ‘Is that a calculator in your pocket or are you just happy to see me’ line while you’re at it

Arminator [2:52pm]: Eren!!  
Arminator [2:52pm]: We’re just friends  
Arminator [2:52pm]: Like you and Jean  
Arminator [2:53pm]: Actually that probably wasn’t the best comparison

Eren [2:53pm]: Why

Arminator [2:54pm]: No reason

Eren [2:55pm]: Armin don’t leave me hanging

Arminator [2:56pm]: …

Eren [2:57pm]: …

Arminator [2:58pm]: :-)

Eren [2:58pm]: Oh god NOT THE NOSEEEEEEEE  
Eren [2:58pm]: YOU KNOW IT MAKES ME CRINGE  
Eren [2:58pm]: WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN

Arminator [2:59pm]: ;-)

——

Jaegershit [6:31pm]: Hahaha  
Jaegershit [6:32pm]: Jeanie

Jeanie [6:35pm]: Oh shut up!

Jaegershit [6:36pm]: u didn’t tell ur mum to shut up that when she called u Jeanie and hugged you like a stress ball

Jeanie [6:37pm]: Well ur not my mum are u  
Jeanie [6:37pm]: Idiot

Jeagershit [6:37pm]: You know I haven’t seen your mum since last year  
Jaegershit [6:38pm]: Thought she’d visit you sooner than your birthday, you know, considering I told her you had chlamydia

Jeanie [6:38pm]: YOU WHAT  
Jeanie [6:39pm]: LITTLE FUCKER YOU’RE A FUCKING DEAD PIECE OF ASS

Jaegershit [6:39pm]: LOLOL KIDDIN  
Jaegershit [6:39pm]: She didn’t believe me ofc   
Jaegershit [6:40pm]: I mean like who would ACTUALLY bone a horse  
Jaegershit [6:40pm]: Beastiality is ILLEGAL

Jeanie [6:40pm]: WOWOWOW FUCK YOU TOO MAN

Jaegershit [6:41pm]: Do you even know what ILLEGAL means

Jeanie [6:41pm]: YOU ARE NEVER SEEING MY MUM AGAIN

Jaegershit [6:42pm]: Oh pls you told me she’s the one that asked if she could see me  
Jaegershit [6:42pm]: Take pity on this poor mother-less child

Jeanie [6:44pm]: …Yeah alright

Jaegershit [6:45pm]: That wasn’t an invitation to the pity party  
Jaegershit [6:46pm]: That invitation expired 8 years ago

Jeanie [6:46pm]: You want me to make jokes about Carla?

Jaegershit [6:47pm]: No fuck you

Jeanie [6:48pm]: Fucking me is illegal remember

Jeagershit [6:49pm]: Oh fuck off

Jeanie [6:49pm]: Karma’s a bitch

Jeagershit [6:50pm]: Oh yeah it’s a bitch alright  
Jeagershit [6:51pm]: You haven’t opened your present yet have you

Jeanie [6:51pm]: Not yet. Tomorrow.

Jeagershit [6:52pm]: Sure sure. Gnight.

Jeanie [6:52pm]: Why did u ask  
Jeanie [6:53pm]: Eren  
Jeanie [6:55pm]: Oi  
Jeanie [6:56pm]: Fucktard  
Jeanie [6:56pm]: Yours will be the last I open  
Jeanie [6:57pm]: If I get maimed in the process of opening your present I’ll haunt you til you’re sorry. Night.

——

Jeanie [10:20am]: EREN WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS

Jeagershit [10:26am]: Oh did you open my gift?  
Jeagershit [10:26am]: hbd

Jeanie [10:28pm]: THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO MY MUM WHEN SHE VISITS NEXT TIME AND THERE’S A HUGEASS CANVAS WITH AN ERECT DICK PAINTED ON IT  
Jeanie [10:29am]: THIS IS NOT WHAT YOUR DAD PAID YOUR TUITION FOR

Jeagershit [10:29am]: YOU MOCKED MY ART  
Jeagershit [10:29am]: THIS IS PAYBACK  
Jeagershit [10:30am]: And scuse you where’s my ‘that was so thoughtful of you thank you for your wonderful efforts’ from you

Jeanie [10:31am]: TOO MUCH EFFORT MORE LIKE

Jeagershit [10:31am]: Did you honestly expect anything less from an art student

Jeanie [10:31am]: THE QUALITY IS NOT THE PROBLEM HERE

Jeagershit [4:32am]: I thought the colour was pretty realistic

Jeanie [10:32am]: THAT IS THE PROBLEM  
Jeanie [10:33am]: 1) IT LOOKS LIKE A DICK  
Jeanie [10:33am]: 2) IT IS A DICK

Jeagershit [10:34am]: #capslockJean2k17

Jeanie [10:34am]: omg JEAGER

Jeagershit [10:35am]: HAHAHAHAHAHA   
Jeagershit [10:35am]: JUS KIDDIN JUS KIDDIN

Jeanie [10:36am]: It’s actually fucking huge tho man, what do I do with it??!

Jeagershit [10:37am]: I dunno, whatever you want  
Jeagershit [10:37am]: My job is done. It’s urs now  
Jeagershit [10:38am]: Must’ve been pretty good if you keep talking about the size ;) 

Jeanie [10:40am]: THE CANVAS NOT THE  
Jeanie [10:40am]: THING  
Jeanie [10:41am]: Well  
Jeanie [10:41am]: The thing is pretty big too  
Jeanie [10:41am]: The fuck how did you make it look so realistic???

Jeagershit [10:42am]: Jealous?

Jeanie [10:42am]: DISTURBED AND CONCERNED

Jeagershit [10:42am]: I am just a humble artist  
Jeagershit [10:43am]: Much genius, very talent

Jeanie [10:44am]: If I were to reword my question  
Jeanie [10:45am]: It would be ‘if I search up dick pics online would that come up’ or…

Jeagershit [10:46am]: Nope ;)

Jeanie [10:46am]: It’s going in the fucking incinerator 

Jeagershit [10:47am]: CHILL CHILL LOLOLOL I JUST MEANT IT CAME OUT OF MY OWN IMAGINATION  
Jeagershit [10:48am]: No dicks were harmed in the making of this artwork

Jeanie [10:49am]: Like I give two fucks if your dick got chopped in half

Jeagershit [10:49am]: Oh did you think it was mine

Jeanie [10:50am]: WHAT


	2. Chapter 2

Eren [3:05pm]: ARMIN I NEED HELP DIFFERENTIATING

Arminator [3:05pm]: Oh, with the chain rule, product rule or quotient rule?

Eren [3:05pm]: BETWEEN FLIRTING AND POLITENESS  
Eren [3:07pm]: Armin why the heck would I be asking you how to do calculus

Arminator [3:09pm]: Are you talking about who I think you’re talking about

Eren [3:10pm]: Who the heck do you think I’m talking about you’ve never met them

Arminator [3:11pm]: nvmd go on

Eren [3:14pm]: So I was buying a caramel latte from the cafe near the uni and this girl in my art class works there and she served me  
Eren [3:17pm]: And when I ordered a take away coffee for horsey coz he was being prissy about paying for my drink ONE time she was like ‘is this for the friend ur usually with’ and I said yeah so Christa made it just the way the priss likes it  
Eren [3:18pm]: And then when she hands me the drinks Christa’s smiling really prettily and says I hope I see you both back soon  
Eren [3:19pm]: So like  
Eren [3:19pm]: Flirting or…?

Arminator [3:20pm]: You were wrong btw

Eren [3:21pm]: ?

Arminator [3:21pm]: I do know Christa

Eren [3:22pm]: YOU DO???  
Eren [3:22pm]: HOW? YOU’VE NEVER MET HER THO

Arminator [3:23pm]: I know things  
Arminator [3:24pm]: I also happen to know a Ymir who has a girlfriend called Christa who works at a cafe  
Arminator [3:24pm]: I’ve never seen her irl but Ymir talks about her a lot  
Arminator [3:25pm]: So I guess that answers your question

Eren [3:27pm]: So…

Arminator [3:28pm]: Eren I’m sorry but you’re the densest person I’ve ever met

Eren [3:29pm]: Is it sad to say I know that

Arminator [3:29pm]: But it’s okay because your arminator is here

Eren [3:30pm]: WHAT HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT’S YOUR NAME ON MY PHONE

Arminator [3:31pm]: I know things

——

Jeanie [7:07pm]: Hey. Ur free now right?

ErenJeager [7:09pm]: …depends

Jeanie [7:10pm]: Go buy me a box of tissues  
Jeanie [7:10pm]: And ammonia

ErenJeager [7:11pm]: The joke I was going to make with the tissues suddenly died with the ammonia  
ErenJeager [7:12pm]: Did you kill someone or smth  
ErenJeager [7:13pm]: I’m not helping u hide the body

Jeanie [7:15pm]: Great to know how much faith you have in me  
Jeanie [7:15pm]: I’m sick af  
Jeanie [7:15pm]: I feel like I’ve been stabbed repeatedly in the lungs and swallowed a huge dick  
Jeanie [7:16pm]: *brick  
Jeanie [7:16pm]: I swear I meant brick wtf was that

ErenJeager [7:20pm]: Screenshotted for life  
ErenJeager [7:21pm]: So ur sick?

Jeanie [7:21pm]: Bruh  
Jeanie [7:22pm]: I’m the sickest man in the world

ErenJeager [7:23pm]:…Still doesn’t explain the ammonia unless you’ve turned into Levi and found that your soulmate is cleaning chemicals

Jeanie [7:24pm]: I puked on my floor and it’s gonna give me nightmares unless I chemical it away

ErenJeager [7:25pm]: Yikes  
ErenJeager [7:26pm]: Don’t you have any other minions to run your shopping errands?

Jeanie [7:27pm]: Reminder: I live by myself, Marco’s still in the country and you’re a dick

ErenJeager [7:27pm]: Don’t you mean brick

Jeanie [7:27pm]: I mean get me a box of tissues because I ran out and there is literally nothing else to wipe my snot with except the jacket you left here last time

ErenJeager [7:29pm]: You wouldn’t

Jeanie [7:31pm]: I haven’t. But I will.

ErenJeager [7:32pm]: Now who’s the real dick here

Jeanie [7:33pm]: You if you don’t help me out

ErenJeager [7:33pm]: Say please

Jeanie [7:34pm]: HOW CAN I SAY IT WE’RE NOT EVEN PHYSICALLY TALKING

ErenJeager [7:35pm]: I’m happy to call you just to get a please

Jeanie [7:35pm]: I can’t even fucking talk my throat is killing me

ErenJeager [7:36pm]: Fine then, a grunt. See how I lower my standards for you

Jeanie [7:40pm]: Grunt.

ErenJeager [7:41pm]: Be there in 10

 

Jeanie [12:55pm]: Go buy me a box of tissues

ErenJeager [12:59pm]: I got you 3 yesterday!!

Jeanie [1:01pm]: I used half of them to mop up the food I spilled. Because I trusted you like an idiot, ate the porridge that you left and spat it out in half a second flat

ErenJeager [1:04pm]: Mm. I thought there was something off.

Jeanie [1:05pm]: THERE WERE CHILLI FLAKES IN IT  
Jeanie [1:06pm]: FOR GODS SAKE I AM A BEDRIDDEN MAN  
Jeanie [1:06pm]: DIDN’T EXPECT YOU TO BETRAY ME SO I DIDN’T LOOK CLOSELY I THOUGHT IT WAS PEPPER OR SMTH  
Jeanie [1:07pm]: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IT THAT WAS A JOKE OR NOT HOW COULD YOU

ErenJeager [1:09pm]: Okay okay I guess I shouldn’t have put it in but I watched on tv somewhere that sweating makes you good and when you eat chilli you sweat so if u ate the chilli porridge u could sweat off ur fever and get better faster  
ErenJeager [1:10pm]: Soz  
ErenJeager [1:11pm]: Won’t do it next time

Jeanie [1:13pm]: Ughhh. It’s fine.  
Jeanie [1:16pm]: I just want to lay here forever, I feel so crappy

ErenJeager [1:17pm]: You want me to come over?

Jeanie [1:18pm]: Reluctant grunt

ErenJeager [1:19pm]: I will only accept that because I probs did stuff up the porridge. Do u need more ammonia while I’m at the store

Jeanie [1:21pm]: No. I didn’t puke.

ErenJeager [1:22pm]: Thank god. I think the sight of it scarred me as much as it scarred your floor

Jeanie [1:24pm]: Yeah yeah you aren’t the one with the flu

ErenJeager [1:25pm]: brb

Jeanie [1:26pm]: K  
Jeanie [1:26pm]: Bring the tissues

ErenJeager [1:27pm]: Stop jacking then maybe you’d have some left

Jeanie [1:27pm]: OH FUCK OFF

ErenJeager [1:28pm]: Not even joking here keep ur snot in ur nose

Jeanie [1:30pm]: I’M TRYING FUCKTARD

ErenJeager [1:32pm]: Yeah yeah ttyl

Jeanie [1:34pm]: Ugh fuck u

 

ErenJeager [6:32pm]: I can hear you hacking up your lungs from the other room  
ErenJeager [6:32pm]: Do I really have to go to ur room and give u soup

Jeanie [6:33pm]: F u  
Jeanie [6:34pm]: I will go to the kitchen and cough on you if you don’t

ErenJeager [6:35pm]: Ew fair enough  
ErenJeager [6:36pm]: You better have taken your medicine before I came  
ErenJeager [6:39pm]: I’ll actually kill you if you’re not better soon

Jeanie [6:40pm]: No need, this flu will do it for you

ErenJeager [6:40pm]: Drama queen

Jeanie [6:40pm]: King, you mean

ErenJeager [6:41pm]: Nuances

 

Jeanie [1:13am]: I’M DYING

ErenJeager [1:26am]: You’re fine, you just have a cold.

Jeanie [1:27am]: I SAID I’M DYING

ErenJeager [1:27am]: GOOD NIGHT JEAN

 

Jeanie [9:49am]: Bad news: my house smells like cloudy ammonia  
Jeanie [9:50am]: Good news: I just woke up and I feel fine  
Jeanie [9:50am]: Like ‘I won’t suddenly faint’ fine  
Jeanie [9:50am]: Do you know how great this is  
Jeanie [9:52am]: Ty for the meds  
Jeanie [9:53am]: Probs helped a lot  
Jeanie [9:55am]: Where are u I’ll pay u back for the stuff u bought  
Jeanie [9:56am]: Hey  
Jeanie [9:56am]: Ereeeeeeen  
Jeanie [9:57am]: I wasn’t that bad was I  
Jeanie [9:58am]: omg i hear something dinging in the lounge you didn’t leave my door unlocked did you  
Jeanie [9:58pm]: FUCK it dinged again  
Jeanie [9:58pm]: Oh wait  
Jeanie [9:59pm]: Dw I found u ur on my couch nvmd

——

ErenJeager [8:40pm]: HECK YEAH  
ErenJeager [8:40pm]: SASHA AND CONNIE’S PARTIES ARE ALWAYS LIT  
ErenJeager [8:44pm]: YOU HERE SOON MAN?

Jeanie [8:45pm]: Soon. Missed the train

ErenJeager [8:47pm]: Course ya did. Dw we’re still waiting for Marco too. And we’re still kinda sober. Mostly

Jeanie [8:47m]: Just stay un-drunk enough to do shots w me later

ErenJeager [8:48pm]: Aw hECK YEAH

 

Jeanie [9:11pm]: I’m here now. Where r u?

ErenJeager [9:11pm]: HAHAHA I SEE UR MUG OVER THERE  
ErenJeager [9:12pm]: WE’RE NEAR THE BACK OF THE BOOTHS

Jeanie [9:12pm]: I see u now  
Jeanie [9:12pm]: oMFG GET OFF THE TABLE I SAID I SEE YOU STOP WAVING  
Jeanie [9:13pm]: This is gonna be hell of a night isn’t it

ErenJeager [9:13pm]: Yep

——

Armin [8:36am]: :)

 

Kirstein [11:42am]: How the fuck did you wake up so early Armin my head’s still doing me in  
Kirstein [11:43am]: And I didn’t even DRINK that much

Armin [11:50am]: :))

Kirstein [11:50am]: WHAT IS IT MY BLONDE MUSHROOM

Armin [11:51am]: Jean do you like Eren :-)

Kirstein [11:52am]: omg the nose wtf of course I do-  
Kirstein [11:52am]: NOT  
Kirstein [11:52am]: The heck’s up with you??

Armin [11:54am]: I saw you at the party  
Armin [11:55am]: With Eren  
Armin [11:55am]: Doing shots with your arms linked

Kirstein [11:56am]: SO???  
Kirstein [11:57am]: DOES HAVING PHYSICAL CONTACT MEAN WE ARE FUCKING GEEZ

Armin [11:58am]: I didn’t say that you guys were  
Armin [11:59am]: It’s just  
Armin [12:00pm]: Ok wow now I feel like I’m being nosy but I kinda started it so I guess I have to finish sorry  
Armin [12:02pm]: But do you remember what happened after the shots

Kirstein [12:05pm]: Well duh I got smashed, the group hung a little longer then Marco drove me home and I passed  
Kirstein [12:07pm]: I mean WE go smashed. Not just me. Duh.  
Kirstein [12:08pm]: I wasn’t THAT intoxicated you know

Armin [12:10pm]: Then you would know that after the last round the two of you kinda slumped into each other with your arms still linked and started dozing off  
Armin [12:10pm]: And when I tried to wake Eren up and Marco tried to wake you up you kinda just ignored him snuggled closer to Eren  
Armin [12:11pm]: And landed a smooch his cheek

Kirstein [12:11pm]: …  
Kirstein [12:12pm]: You’re kidding  
Kirstein [12:12pm]: That wasn’t real  
Kirstein [12:12pm]: I am so sure

Armin [12:13pm]: OK OK I’M DONE BEING NOSY I FEEL REALLY BAD NOW IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS I SHOULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO TEASE YOU

Kirstein [12:15pm]: Sigh  
Kirstein [12:16pm]: It’s ok Armin  
Kirstein [12:16pm]: I probably would have done the same if it was you and someone else  
Kirstein [12:17pm]: Besides just coz we were being close bros doesn’t mean we’re in love or anything

Armin [12:19pm]: That what I was hinting at actually but nvmd  
Armin [12:19pm]: Still minding my own business  
Armin [12:20pm]: Oh look at that it’s time to eat what a shame Jean good luck with your hangover and stay safe and hydrated bye

Kirstein [12:20pm]: Armin  
Kirstein [12:21pm]: ARMIN  
Kirstein [12:26pm]: You are so dead the next time I see you

 

Eren [12:30pm]: ARMIN WHAT DID YOU TELL JEAN

Arminator [12:31pm]: Why?

Eren [12:32pm]: HE KEEPS JUST TEXTING ME ‘WHY’ OVER AND OVER AGAIN IT WAS ANNOYING AT FIRST I LITERALLY TURNED MY PHONE OFF FOR AN HOUR BUT NOW IT’S FREAKING ME OUT  
Eren [12:33pm]: AND WHEN I ASKED FOR THE 10TH TIME WHAT THE HECK WAS WRONG WITH HIM  
Eren [12:33pm]: HE JUST REPLIED WITH YOUR NAME  
Eren [12:34pm]: WHAT DID YOU DO

Arminator [12:37pm]: You’re more chipper than he was at least this morning  
Arminator [12:38pm]: Then again he does have a lower tolerance for alcohol

Eren [12:38pm]: ARMIN ANSWER ME PLS  
Eren [12:38pm]: He’s actually freaking me out I don’t know if he’s being serious or not

Arminator [12:39pm]: Don’t worry he’s okay  
Arminator [12:39pm]: Mostly  
Arminator [12:40pm]: Maybe a bit broken  
Arminator [12:40pm]: But still good

Eren [12:50pm]: Oh my god  
Eren [12:50pm]: Did you tell him what happened last night  
Eren [12:50pm]: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME

Arminator [12:51pm]: Relax I just made sure he remembered what happened yesterday  
Arminator [12:52pm]: Mostly just embarrassing stuff that definitely didn’t involve you  
Arminator [12:52pm]: Majorly

Eren [12:53pm]: Are you sure

Arminator [12:53pm]: Don’t worry  
Arminator [12:54pm]: I didn’t tell him the part where you nuzzled his neck when he was leaning into you

Eren [12:55pm]: YOU SAW THAT?!!!  
Eren [12:55pm]: I mean I DID WHAT??!  
Eren [12:56pm]: I had no idea  
Eren [12:56pm]: That I did that  
Eren [12:56pm]: At all

Arminator [12:57pm]: That what best friends are for Eren  
Arminator [12:57pm]: To remain sober when your friends are drunk off their butts and to remind them of things they supposedly don’t remember

Eren [12:58pm]: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘SUPPOSEDLY’

Arminator [12:59pm]: Sorry typo I meant ‘completely’. Damn autocorrect.

Eren [1:02pm]: …I’ll let you have this one Armin.

Arminator [1:02pm]: Yay!

 

Kirstein [3:27pm]: OK  
Kristen [3:28pm]: Fine  
Kirstein [3:28pm]: You win jackass

Armin [3:30pm]: ??

Kirstein [3:31pm]: SO WHAT IF I LIKE EREN THAT WAY WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL AND EVEN THOUGH HE’S A TOTAL SHITHEAD WITH NO MOUTH FILTER AND IS DENSE AS FUCK HE’S STILL MY BEST FRIEND AND I THINK IT IS COMPLETELY REASONABLE THAT I SOMETIMES THINK ABOUT BEING TOGETHER IN A MORE THAN PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP  
Kirstein [3:32pm]: AND HE WAS WARM LIKE HE’S WARM ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND SO WHAT IF I WANT TO BE WARM TOO SOMETIMES EVEN THO WE’RE BOTH DUDES

Armin [3:32pm]: Jean calm down it’s ok! I wasn’t judging!  
Armin [3:33pm]: Of course it’s ok to like him! I was just teasing you and I’m sorry if it felt like I forced you to tell me this I shouldn’t have gone so far

Kirstein [3:33pm]: NO  
Kirstein [3:34pm]: YOU’RE HERE NOW YOU CAN’T BACK OUT

Armin [3:35pm]: What do you mean back out?

Kirstein [3:36pm]: I KNOW YOU’RE HIS BEST FRIEND BUT DON’T YOU DARE SAY A WORD TO HIM ABOUT THIS I SWEAR  
Kirstein [3:37pm]: YOU KNOW I LIKE HIM SO NOW YOU HAVE TO HELP ME SINCE IT’S YOUR FAULT I SAID I LIKED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE

Armin [3:38pm]: That logic is slightly twisted but I was hoping to be your wingman from the start :)  
Armin [3:39pm]: Besides, you’re his best friend too you know? We both want what’s good for Eren

Kirstein [3:40pm]: But what should I do?? I reckon I was doing pretty good just being a best bud so how would I even…you know

Armin [3:41pm]: You could just ask him out

Kirstein [3:42pm]: Oh yeah how would THAT go down

Armin [3:43pm]: Hmm  
Armin [3:44pm]: What about ‘Would you be adverse to pursuing a romantic relationship with me?”

Kirstein [3:45pm]: Wtf I don’t even know what adverse MEANS MAN

Armin [3:48pm]: Well  
Armin [3:49pm]: That’s what Erwin said to me  
Armin [3:49pm]: And it worked pretty well

Kirstein [3:50pm]: WHAT  
Kirstein [3:50pm]: WHERE WHEN HOW AND WHY  
Kirstein [3:50pm]: MY LITTLE MUSHROOM HAS A S/O I’M SO PROUD

Armin [3:51pm]: Oh my gosh you’re reacting just like Eren  
Armin [3:52pm]: Just yesterday. He asked me out on a picnic to celebrate since he’d just finished his last exam. It was just the two of us and when we were done eating, he asked if he could be my boyfriend. I said yes, of course

Kirstein [3:53pm]: I NEED MORE DETAILS THAN THIS

Armin [3:53am]: Like what, if we kissed?

Kirstein [3:54pm]: WAS  
Kirstein [3:54pm]: THERE  
Kirstein [3:54pm]: PIZZA

Armin [3:55pm]: If that’s a sexual innuendo I am out of here

Kirstein [3:56pm]: NO PICNIC IS A PICNIC UNLESS THERE’S PIZZA  
Kirstein [3:56pm]: PIZZA IS A STAPLE  
Kirstein [3:59pm]: I personally prefer meat lovers but that’s ok if it was just like ham and cheese or something, no judging. But if there was pineapple somewhere on there I swear that’s a relationship destined to end because who the hell even thought of putting damned fruit on pizza to begin with

Armin [3:59pm]: Bye Jean

Kirstein [4:00pm]: If he plays you man he faces the wrath of the steed  
Kirstein [4:04pm]: For all it means, I hope it goes well

 

Jean [4:05pm]: DID YOU HEAR

Eren [4:08pm]: ABOUT OUR LITTLE BLONDE MUSHROOM GROWING UP AND GETTING HIMSELF A BF

Jean [4:09pm]: YES

Eren [4:10pm]: YES  
Eren [4:11pm]: I CAN’T BELIEVE HE AND ERWIN BECAME A THING AND I WASN’T JUST IMAGINING IT

Jean [4:12pm]: IKR? Thumbs up to that eyebrows guy for actually successfully courting him coz Armin knows what he’s looking for

Eren [4:13pm]: Yeah  
Eren [4:15pm]: And I’m kinda glad I won’t be at the receiving end of any more math jokes

Jean [4:18pm]: Did he tell u the one about the line that touches the edge of a curved surface but never intercepts it again?

Eren [4:19pm]: No??

Jean [4:19pm]: Good coz then he’d be going on a tangent

Eren [4:21pm]: But he always does?

Jean [4:22pm]: Lolol u didn’t get the pun. I didn’t either but Armin actually explained it to me after and two hours I was sorry I asked him to in the first place

Eren [4:23pm]: Wow

Jean [4:25pm]: Yeah

 

Jean [5:50pm]: Btw

Eren [5:52pm]: Whassup

Jean [5:55pm]: You know you’re my best bud right  
Jean [6:00pm]: Yo Eren

Eren [6:09pm]: Yeah I know

Jean [6:11pm]: Kk

 

Kirstein [7:27pm]: Armin I take it back  
Kirstein [7:28pm]: Things are fine as it is forget what I said earlier

Armin [7:30pm]: Mm but are they really

Kirstein [7:31pm]: For sure

Armin [7:33pm]: It’s just that  
Armin [7:35pm]: In my subjective opinion you guys are friends that are very comfortable with each other  
Armin [7:36pm]: And that kind of relationship isn’t that difficult to turn into something romantic  
Armin [7:36pm]: So you don’t need to think too much about it because it’s not that hard…?

Kirstein [7:37am]: IT IS THAT HARD  
Kirstein [7:38am]: HE CALLED ME HIS BEST BUD  
Kirstein [7:38am]: LIKE THAT’S 0% INTERESTED

Armin [7:40pm]: I’m just gonna put a quick disclaimer here: what I’m going to say is extremely opinionated and should by no means be taken as fact  
Armin [7:42pm]: Jean if you think he’s not interested then a lil flirting wouldn’t hurt you know

Kirstein [7:43am]: Are you a software update? Because not now.

Armin [7:44pm]: Defensive, but smooth.

 

Eren [7:44pm]: There is a spiderling on my wall  
Eren [7:44pm]: Acting all chill like it pays rent

 

Jean [7:45pm]: Armin brb

 

Jean [7:45pm]: Is spiderling even a word

Eren [7:46pm]: A spiderling is a baby spider  
Eren [7:46pm]: Get cultured

Jean [7:47pm]: I came here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Eren [7:48pm]: See this is why you're my best bud  
Eren [7:48pm]: Mikasa would’ve told me to study  
Eren [7:49pm]: Armin would’ve asked me to take a picture to see if he could determine the species  
Eren [7:49pm]: You’re the content I signed up for

Jean [7:50pm]: Why is that a good thing

Eren [7:50pm]: So I can make you feel victimised for once

Jean [7:51pm]: Oi what do you mean for once

Eren [7:51pm]: At the party

Jean [7:52pm]: Hey you know I wasn’t the one who took photos of you dancing on the table that was Connie

Eren [7:53pm]: I know right  
Eren [7:54pm]: I mean it’s not like you kissed me or anything.

 

Armin [7:55pm]: How long is brb  
Armin [7:55pm]: Can I eat dinner yet

Kirstein [7:56pm]: Oh crap yeah soz Armin bye

 

Jean [7:58pm]: Oh  
Jean [7:59pm]: Okay now, that was for like a millisecond  
Jean [8:00pm]: Anyways you didn’t get rabies so what’s the problem

Eren [8:03pm]: Of course you didn’t give me fucking rabies wtf

Jean [8:04pm]: Well then is there a problem?

Eren [8:05pm]: I don’t  
Eren [8:06pm]: I don’t even know

Jean [8:08pm]: Then that’s that and let’s not mention again

Eren [8:09pm]: Hey you don’t get to escape like that  
Eren [8:11pm]: Like can u at least rate 1-10 softness of my cheek 1 is mattress 10 is marshmallow I need to know

Jean [8:13pm]: No you don’t.

Eren [8:13pm]: I NEED TO KNOW

Jean [8:13pm]: NO YOU DON’T

Eren [8:14pm]: COME ON I’LL RATE YOURS

Jean [8:14pm]: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW

Eren [8:15pm]: Well  
Eren [8:16pm]: I mean I could

Jean [8:17pm]: Srsly

Eren [8:18pm]: Next time I see you  
Eren [8:18pm]: Be prepared

Jean [8:19pm]: Omg stop  
Jean [8:20pm]: I gtg now  
Jean [8:20pm]: Cya

Eren [8:21pm]: CHICKEN

Jean [8:21pm]: My mum’s tryna facetime me

Eren [8:21pm]: Oh  
Eren [8:22pm]: Later then

Jean [8:22pm]: Later  
Jean [8:23pm]: Night

Eren [8:23pm]: Gnight

 

Arminator [9:00pm]: So Eren did you bring it up

Eren [9:07pm]: Yeah

Arminator [9:08pm]: Good?

Eren [9:08pm]: Eh

Arminator [9:10pm]: That’s sounds better than terrible

Eren [9:12pm]: I hate it sometimes when you’re right about everything

Arminator [9:13pm]: You’re a reliable friend too Eren :)

Eren [9:14pm]: Ha  
Eren [9:15pm]: Thanks I guess

Arminator [9:16pm]: You’re very welcome Eren

——

Armin [10:37am]: By the way Jean  
Armin [10:37am]: The person who invented the first Hawaiian pizza was Sam Panopoulos

Kirstein [10:40am]: You just had to didn’t you

Armin [10:41am]: I never back down from an academic challenge


	3. Chapter 3

Eren [4:10pm]: DUDE STOP DOODLING ON MY PAPERS

Eren [4:12pm]: I TOOK MY SKETCHPAD OUT TO SHOW MY TEACHER AND THERE WERE FREAKING TUMBLEWEEDS ALL OVER THE PAGE

Jean [4:15pm]: HEY

Jean [4:16pm]: They were cats.

Jean [4:16pm]: Get cultured

Eren [4:17pm]: Why the fuck did u feel the need to draw a bunch of cats on the page

Eren [4:18pm]: And nah mate, even the professor said it was an tumbleweed two against one

Jean [4:18pm]: Because I can’t draw anything else?

Eren [4:19pm]: Well then get ur own sketchpad at least your final grade doesn’t depend on this one

Jean [4:20pm]: Worth it

Jean [4:21pm]: Since ur texting I’m assuming ur done with ur tute right

Eren [4:21pm]: Yep

Jean [4:21pm]: You remember to meet for coffee or what

Eren [4:22pm]: Duh I’m omw

Jean [4:23pm]: I’m sitting at the back

Eren [4:24pm]: Kk

 

Jean [5:53pm]: Do u care to explain why Christa gave us a fruit scone on the house for absolutely no reason except to make sure ‘we feel comfortable coming in here from now on’

Eren [5:57pm]: What makes you think I know

Jean [5:58pm]: SHE FUCKING WINKED AT YOU

Eren [5:58pm]: Ohhh

Eren [5:59pm]: I have no idea

Jean [5:59pm]: wdym that sounds so suspicious 

Eren [6:00pm]: I legit don’t know??

Eren [6:00pm]: I mean wait a sec 

 

Eren [6:01pm]: Yo Armin

Arminator [6:02pm]: Yes?

Eren [6:02pm]: What was Ymir’s latest rant to you regarding Christa

Arminator [6:03pm]: I had a feeling she was talking about you

Arminator [6:03pm]: I’m surprised I was right

Eren [6:03pm]: WDYM

Arminator [6:04pm]: Well

Arminator [6:06pm]: Ymir was talking about some male regulars that Christa serves every Monday that she thinks um

Arminator [6:07pm]: Are involved

Eren [6:09pm]: Involved as in

Arminator [6:09pm]: Involved

Arminator [6:10pm]: I mean it might not have been you guys

Arminator [6:11pm]: There are probably other regulars that come on Mondays

Eren [6:12pm]: So

Eren [6:12pm]: She’s saying we lowkey look like a couple

Arminator [6:13pm]: I mean I guess so??

Arminator [6:14pm]: If you don’t feel offended by that I mean

Eren [6:14pm]: Hmm

Eren [6:15pm]: ttyl 

Arminator [6:15pm]: Okay (we are not done here)

 

Eren [6:15pm]: Yeah I have no idea

Jean [6:16pm]: It kinda freaked me out

Jean [6:17pm]: Like she knows something we don’t

Eren [6:17pm]: She probably does

Jean [6:18pm]: And you don’t sound too concerned because??

Eren [6:19pm]: Whatever happens, happens right?

Eren [6:20pm]: And besides, I wanna test a theory

Jean [6:20pm]: What theory

Eren [6:21pm]: Next time hold my hand when we go in and maybe we’ll get another free scone

 

Jean [6:21pm]: Armin

Jean [6:21pm]: ARMIN

Jean [6:22pm]: Where are you when I need you man

Jean [6:22pm]: I’m think I’m actually dying

Jean [6:22pm]: On the inside

 

Jean [6:23pm]: I’m up for free food

Eren [6:24pm]: Glad to see we’re on the same page

Jean [6:24pm]: Yep

 

Armin [11:41am]: Sorry! 

Armin [11:42am]: Did you still wanna talk? I was at Erwin’s house

Jean [11:50pm]: And you couldn’t answer your phone there??

Armin [11:53am]: Um

Armin [11:54am]: No not really

Jean [11:55pm]: That’s weird 

Armin [11:56am]: Jean just don’t question it

Jean [11:57pm]: Why not

Jean [11:59pm]: omg no

Jean [11:59pm]: You’re kidding

Armin [12:01am]: Absolutely not

Jean [12:02pm]: ARMIN MY FUNGI

Armin [12:02am]: JEAN PLEASE LET’S DROP IT

Jean [12:04pm]: OKAY

Jean [12:04pm]: BUT I’LL JUST LET YOU KNOW

Jean [12:05pm]: THAT CONDOMS ARE ON SALE IN THE PHARMACY IN CITY MALL

Armin [12:05am]: JEAN

Jean [12:05pm]: I’M GOING I’M GOING

 

——

 

Jean [1:14pm]: Bruh

Eren [1:20pm]: Bruh

Jean [1:21pm]: We’re still up for pizza night at your house tomorrow right

Eren [1:22pm]: Yeah for sure man

Eren [1:23pm]: Got the games already set up n everything

Jean [1:23pm]: Good. Straight down to business

Eren [1:24pm]: Exactly

 

Eren [2:49pm]: Hurry up horseee

Eren [2:50pm]: It’s talking all my self control and patience to not start the first mission on the game before you arrive

Jean [2:50pm]: Dude, I’m prepared to j-cross for you calm down I’ll be there in a minute

 

Eren [3:01pm]: You remembered the spare controller, didn’t you?

Eren [3:02pm]: You didn’t.

Eren [3:05pm]: Oh come on Jean, you had one job

Eren [3:09pm]: Ello

Eren [3:10pm]: U still alive

Eren [3:10pm]: Reply meeeee

Eren [3:10pm]: You can at least spare a k right

Eren [3:11pm]: Dude it’s been 20 minutes u live like half a block away

Eren [3:15pm]: …

Eren [3:16pm]: Are those sirens

Eren [3:17pm]: You’re fucking kidding

Eren [3:17pm]: Omfg JEAN ARE U SERIOUS

Eren [3:18pm]: HOLY CRAP

Eren [3:19pm]: WHERE THE HECK ARE U

Eren [3:20pm]: JEAN

 

——

 

Arminator [2:10pm]: Eren

Arminator [3:09pm]: Eren Jaeger

Arminator [4:22pm]: Eren don’t ignore me

Arminato [4:37pm]: Eren please don’t ignore me

Arminator [4:59pm]: Please :-(

Eren [5:00pm]: Not the nose

Arminator [5:01pm]: Oh thank gosh. Everyone’s worried because you won’t answer your texts!

Eren [5:02pm]: Why would I

Arminator [5:03pm]: ?? Because Jean’s in hospital? And he’s actually asking me why you’re not replying?

Arminator [5:04pm]: You still there? 

Arminator [5:05pm]: Eren…

Arminator [5:05pm]: Why haven’t you gone to see him yet?

Eren [5:06pm]: You know why, Armin! You’re the goddamn genius around here!

Eren [5:06pm]: He fractured his arm, bruised his rib and bloodied his whole goddamned horseface! If I hadn’t told him to hurry up like a stupid idiot, he wouldn’t have gotten hit!

Arminator [5:08pm]: If I’m a genius, then listen to me

Arminator [5:09pm]: It’s not your fault

Arminator [5:09pm]: Blame can’t be placed just on one thing, ever. It was a proliferation of reasons and causes in which you might have been one, a very insignificant one, out of many other factors but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s nothing you can do about it now except keep him company.

Arminator [5:10pm]: Eren?

Arminator [5:11pm]: Eren!

 

——

 

Eren [6:24pm]: I can’t. I can’t face him Armin

Arminator [6:25pm]: You’re going to have to, Eren

Arminator [6:26pm]: You’re his best friend and he doesn’t even have that anymore

Arminator [6:27pm]: So just visit him tomorrow, okay? I swear it’ll be fine

Eren [6:29pm]: But how? All I can even think of is Jean being Jean and telling me to fuck off as soon as he sees me before I can even check if his balls are still intact

Arminator [6:31pm]: You want me to tell you how to get into his pants?

Eren [6:31pm]: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT MUSHROOM

Arminator [6:32pm]: If you wanted to know

Arminator [6:33pm]: All I had to say was ‘I can make you harder than inverse trigonometry’ and then Erwin was all over me

Eren [6:34pm]: I DID NOT. NEED TO KNOW THAT

Eren [6:35pm]: AND THAT IS DISTURBING IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE IF MATH IS A TURN ON FOR YOU GUYS

Arminator [3:36pm]: Well sorry if I prefer primitive functions over primitive pick-up lines

Arminator [3:37pm]: I’m assuming Jean prefers the latter

Eren [6:37pm]: You think he’s gonna notice a bunch of sexual innuendos lying in front of him if he can’t even notice a car?

Arminator [3:38pm]: Eren

Arminator [3:39pm]: Let him live, you know it was an accident

Eren [6:39pm]: know.

Eren [6:40pm]: It’s just

Eren [6:41pm]: I still can’t believe it happened

Eren [6:42pm]: And that he came out alive

Arminator [3:42pm]: Eren…

Eren [6:44pm]: I mean so many others wouldn’t get off that lucky

Eren [6:44pm]: He could’ve just been one of the millions of people who get killed in car accidents every year

Eren [6:45pm]: Like my mother

Arminator [6:46pm]: Eren it’s okay

Arminator [6:47pm]: It’s completely understandable for you to worry

Arminator [6:47pm]: As long as you remember that Jean IS okay, he IS extremely lucky and IS missing his best friend right now

Arminator [6:48pm]: And before you say anything, this is NOT your fault

Eren [6:48pm]: But it’s my fault

Eren [6:49pm]: Oh

Eren [6:50pm]: Should I just act normal then? Pretend I don’t feel guilty as shit and just plaster a smile on my face whilst patting him on the back?

Arminator [6:51pm]: I don’t know whether you give yourself too much credit or Jean too little

Arminator [6:51pm]: We both know he’s not gonna fall for that. He already knows how bad you feel, since you’re ignoring him. Please, just stop blaming yourself and let Jean forgive you. You know he already has (even if this is absolutely NOT your fault to begin with)

Eren [6:52pm]: …

Eren [6:56pm]: Ok. I’ll go visit him tonight

Arminator [6:56pm]: Eren it’s already night

Arminator [6:56pm]: Visiting hours closes in like, an hour!

Eren [6:57pm]: Ah crap

Eren [6:57pm]: Gtg see ya Armin

Arminator [3:58pm]: Go get him, Jaegerbomb

Eren [6:58pm]: god you’re making me cringe here

Eren [7:00pm]: Thanks Armin

 

The handle was cold beneath his palm. Eren hated the fact that he was most likely overreacting. Despite the nervous rush of blood in his ears, he slid the door across and was immediately greeted with the sarcastic voice that for some reason made his heart beat just a bit faster.

 

“Fucking finally.” Jean snapped, no real bitterness behind his voice.

“Whatever,” Eren retorted, trying not to appear stiff as he sat heavily on the chair furthest from the bed. “Sorry about not responding. My phone died.”

“Yeah no shit.” The eye roll was blatantly obvious. “Besides, I was waiting for the day when you owed me one.”

“So it was my fault.” Eren blurted.

“If you’re talking about how you let me lie here in complete boredom for the past several days sinceyou were too lazy to get off your ass and give me my PSP to play with, then heck yeah that’s your fault. Anyways, I’m checking out that art exhibition that opens in a couple weeks and you gotta come with coz I have a free ticket, you owe me, and you’re the only art freak I know.”

 

“What?” Eren blinked. “How’d you get free tickets to that?”

“Secret.” Jean hoped to the hells that Eren didn’t glance into the bin, only to see a certain crumpled receipt. “Anyway, you owe me so don’t back out. Chicken.”

 

A pillow went flying towards his face and Jean quickly jerked his neck to dodge it. He could see Eren narrowing his eyes. “Who’s the fucking chicken?”

“You are.” Jean snapped back, unable to resist a small grin. “And bring me my games the next time you’re here. They’re still debating how long to keep me here so don’t you dare go off to that exhibition by yourself, you freeloader.”

“Don’t worry.” Eren snickered. “I’ll wait."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the HSC in two weeks and I clearly have my priorities straight


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you don't know how to write good but you still want to try

Jean [11:43am]: Dude we just entered the exhibition and you already had to go pee? You’ve been there for ages

 

Eren [11:45am]: HAVE NOT 

Eren [11:46am]: Turns out it was on another floor I’m coming back now

 

Jean [11:46am]: Well hurry up

 

Eren [11:46am]: My horoscope says no

 

Jean [11:47am]: WHAT DO U MEAN YOUR HOROSCOPE SAYS NO 

Jean [11:47am]: YOU NEED TO GET HERE NOW

 

Eren [11:47am]: Calm your horses what the heckas happened in the literal 5 minutes I was gone

 

Jean [11:47am]: All I wanted to do was to put on a jacket for gods sake and its like trying to put a sweater on a cat it is not working and everyone’s looking at me with unconcealed pity in their eyes

 

Eren [11:48am]: I think I’m lost

 

Jean [11:48am]: DUDE

 

Eren [11:48am]: Kiddingg

 

Eren didn’t bother to mask his condescending laugh as he walked up to Jean who was visibly struggling to get his good arm through his jacket, his casted arm swinging uselessly in its sling. Jean grit his teeth, watching Eren stand absolutely still with a twisted smile, hands resting behind his back. The sound of the jacket’s zipper tinkling against the floor for the tenth time as it slid to the ground, prompted a scoff from Eren and Jean finally snapped, “Would it kill you to just shut up and help me out?!”

“Geez, I dunno.” Eren pretended to look interested at his fingernails. “Maybe you could’ve just, you know, asked in the first place?”

“Yeah, well,” Jean grumbled. “Fuck that.”

Eren scoffed, grabbing the hood of the jacket so that Jean could slit his good arm through the sleeve. He pursed his lips, watching Jean struggle with the awkward angle of his arm trying to get into the sleeve. 

 

Eren’s hand gravitated to help Jean, but a nagging voice in his mind paused him. _You know, I bet the moment you try to help him he’ll already have the jacket on. Then you’ll look stupid for wanting to help him._

_How do you know that?_

Eren’s anxiety laughed in reply, _Because you always look stupid to him no matter what you do-_

_Oh my gosh shut up._

With a wavering resolve, Eren seized Jean’s wrist, leading it towards the sleeve hole with stiff movements.

 

Jean held his breath as Eren leaned in slightly closer to guide his arm through the jacket.He made sure his other arm remained as still as his breathing while Eren brought the other side of his jacket to frame over his bandaged arm like a cape. 

“Not even gonna bother to thank you for that.” Jean mumbled. He fiddled with the cuff of the sleeve, finding that the sleeve felt particularly uncomfortable. “Let’s keep going.”

Eren saluted. “Yessir.”

 

The first hall they arrived at was lined with paintings, models and sculptures that seemed to spread into three different halls; the beginning of an evidently extensive maze within the building. The ceiling soared far above, scaling the individual to a tiny fragment in a galaxy of space. Pigments of colour invaded their vision from every possible direction. Jean could practically feel Eren vibrating with excitement. Or maybe it was from the AC directed towards their very position, calmly blowing icy cold shivers of air onto their cheeks.

 

Eren instantly power walked to the nearest composition, with his mouth hanging slightly open. 

Jean looked over to the side, noticing a particular model and nudged the other’s shoulder with his head. “Hey. What’s so special about those chairs?”

Eren whipped around, redirecting his focus on the objects. He straightened his back, declaring, “It’s not the chairs that are special. It’s the lack of persons sitting on it that epitomises the loneliness of individuals. The variety of shapes, colours and sizes come together to represent a collective, sectionalised society.”

“Suuure.” Jean grinned, a mocking lilt to his voice.

Eren raised his hand, pointing his chin away. “Talk to the art degree, coz the face ain’t listening.”

_You know,_ Jean’s mind droned. _His hand’s right there you could literally just hold it and you would actually be holding hands what a strange concept-_

_Oh my gosh shut up brain._

 

Jean quickly pointed. “Now that one’s literally just a black canvas.”

“Well the exhibition _is_ based on minimalist art, dude.”

“Don’t tell me it means something like eternal depression.”

“There’s a descriptive plague for every artwork, horse. Read it.”

“But…there’s more than three words. I don’t think it’s worth it.”

Eren sighed. “Have to do everything around here. We are literally at a cultural landmark. A building that defined the city centre for the past century.”

Spreading his hands, Jean adopted an apologetic tone. “Sorry. M’not making fun of it I swear.”

“Here.” Eren’s tone seemed to lift, in hearing Jean’s sincerity. “It says ‘Despite using a monotone shade, the ragged and harsh brush strokes create a variety of textures that can suggest an intense internal conflict. This oil on canvas painting alludes to the desperation of being unable to escape a seemingly repressive darkness.’”

“See I was right! Eternal depression!”

“Actually it’s more about the response of the individual-”

“I would have understood it just fine if it had simply said ‘dude is much sad, very shooketh’. Or ‘Who would win? Attempts to escape darkness or one depressed boi’.”

“Oh my god,” Eren groaned, bringing his palm to his face. “Why did you even invite me here in the first place?” 

_To see you being happy_ \- Jean mentally gagged. _Nope, not going there._

“Why not?” Jean decided that answer was vague enough to be safe. _Safe from what?_ His logical side pondered. _SAFE FROM FEELINGS._ HIs emotional side yelled back.

“Shh.” a rough voice reprimanded from behind them. The two quickly moved on to the next hallway.

 

They had almost seen every display by the time Eren remembered something of vague importance. He bumped Jean’s shoulder with his own to get his attention.

“Thanks for inviting me here, by the way. I don’t think I said that yet.” he confessed. The lack of punchline sounded strange to his own ears. 

Jean nodded, “No worries.”

“Tickets must’ve been expensive.”

“Nah not really, just about twenty bucks.”

“Aha!” Eren shouted victoriously. “I so knew you didn’t just happen to _stumble upon_ free tickets!”

_Ah shit._ “Oh so what,” Jean flicked his hand casually, hoping it didn’t give away any sign of his rapidly increasing pulse. Improvised lying had never been his forte. “You knew and you didn’t have the decency to not point it out?” He prayed to god he was not spouting any signs of a blush.

“You know I’ll never stop calling you out on your shit. That’s what I’m here for.” Eren said proudly.

“Right.” His unconvinced tone didn’t go unheard by Eren.

“So?” Eren urged, swerving his face in front of Jean. “So what did I do to make you go out with m- I mean, go on an outing with me? Did I do something good? Or did you break your skull as well as your arm?”

“Oh shush up.” Jean grumbled, staring lasers into the nearest display. An abstract collage of the ocean. “I’m trying to look at the view.”

“But I _am_ the view.”

“You know what? Never mind. Let’s move on to the next one.”

 

_You know, as much as I'm sure you'd love to confess your undying love,_ a voice in Jean's mind spoke casually. _This really isn't the best place to do it._

_Like hell I was going to confess shit._ As much as his voice of reason was grounding him, Jean hoped the whole 'talking to himself' thing wouldn't get too weird too soon.

_Oh yeah?_ It goaded. _Why are you so nervous then, huh? What'cha walking faster for? You hoping he'll take a hint a make the first move? Coward._

_No._ Jean furrowed his brows. _I'm not a coward._ He could practically feel his voice of reason smirk in victory.

_Liar._

 

The sight of the strangest display involuntarily pulled Jean from his internal monologue, and before he realised, he was yanked back to reality. Pinching himself to stop overanalysing, he looked at Eren and waved his arms in disbelief.

“But come on,” Jean tried, causing Eren to snap out of his own thoughts too. “This _supposed_ piece of artwork is literally just an unused diaper on the floor.”

“That’s not a part of the exhibition.”

“Oh.”

 

After the hour spent at the exhibition, they decided to explore the area, having had travelled more than half an hour on public transport to reach the distant art museum. Just as they stepped out of the building, Jean turned his phone back from its previous silent setting and found several notifications light up his screen.

 

Armin [3:12pm]: By the way

Armin [3:14pm]: I know you’re on your date but in case you end up looking at your phone during some awkward situations I have some conversation starters prepared for you

Armin [3:14pm]: To start conversation

Armin [3:15pm]: How about ‘Are you an appendix? Because you give me strange feelings in my stomach that makes me want to take you out’

Armin [3:15pm]: What’s your stance on communism?

Armin [3:16pm]: Are you French? Because Eiffel for you

 

Jean [3:44pm]: Armin

Jean [3:44pm]: He’s German

 

“You’re only supposed to look mentally disturbed if I text you.” Eren ventured.

“What? Oh,” Jean quickly closed his phone. “Right.”

“Sure.”

“I mean,” Jean fumbled. _Just ask him if he’s an appendix._ “If it makes you feel better, you’d probably pause for a second if you saw these too.”

“Nudes?”

“Wha- god, no!”

Eren shrugged. “You never know.”

 

At the next intersection, Jean felt his phone vibrate insistently in his pocket once more.

 

Armin [3:46pm]: You’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

Armin [3:47pm]: Are you free tonight? Because I don’t have any money.

Armin [3:47pm]: My knees hurt. I think I fell too hard for you.

Armin [3:48pm]: OOH OOH! TELL THEM YOU CAN FIT THE ENTIRE WORLD IN YOUR HANDS THEN HOLD THEIR FACE IN YOUR HANDS

 

Jean [3:48pm]: ARMIN CHILL 

Jean [3:48pm]: PLS

 

Eren couldn’t help but glance at the glowing screen, snatching the first few words of what looked like a rant. He chocked on his own saliva, unabashedly reading the rest. “Did Armin just call you hot? _And ask if you were free?_ ” He watched as Jean’s eyes widened, his grip on his phone slacking before tightening with a deathly vice-grip as the screen was immediately darkened. 

“What?!” Jean yelped.

“I-” Eren’s disbelief melted into scepticism and he narrowed his eyes. Moving closer to invade the other’s personal space by a margin, he said, “Why are you being so defensive?”

“I-I’m not!” Jean defended. He held his head stubbornly high, conveniently in the opposite direction of where Eren was.

“Dude.” Eren pressed. “Jean. Oh my god, why are you actually freaking? He was obviously kidding and just sending you weird stuff-”

 

As Eren’s words were cut off, Jean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Eren must have gotten the hint that Jean very clearly did not want to talk about it. More accurately, there was no was he could talk about it. How do you just…tell someone they’re you’re world and then…just… Jean scowled as he felt his chest tighten. How could Eren just make him feel things, make him feel this way, what a dick-

 

A dick that wouldn’t actually suddenly become quiet. Just like that. 

 

Jean looked over to see Eren on his phone, texting diligently.

 

“Are you asking Armin?!” Jean shrieked, hand darting out to confiscate the phone.

Eren’s eyes widened and he spun around, clutching his phone to his chest in a desperate last minute scroll through his brief conversation with Armin that had ended merely seconds ago.

 

Eren [3:49pm]: Why are you being weird to Jeanieboy

Eren [3:50pm]: I’m right next to him

 

Armin [3:50pm]: DID HE TELL YOU

 

Eren [3:51pm]: DID HE TELL ME WHAT??

 

Armin [3:51pm]: Anything

 

Eren [3:51pm]: Be more specific my dude

 

Armin [3:51pm]: Something like

Armin [3:52pm]: Er

Armin [3:52pm]: Actually…

Armin [3:43pm]: ...You know what never mind.

 

Eren [3:53pm]: ...Hey...

Eren [3:54pm]: He wasn’t supposed to tell me…

Eren [3:54pm]: The thing you sent him…

Eren [3:54pm]: …Was he.

 

Armin [3:55pm]: Eren.

Armin [3:55pm]: Snooping is bad.

Armin [3:55pm]: Very bad.

Armin [3:55pm]: I will take my leave.

Armin [3:55pm]: Reflect on your actions.

 

Eren [3:56pm]: aRMIN 

Eren [3:56pm]: YOU’RE

Eren [3:56pm]: NOT

Eren [3:56pm]: HELPING

 

Jean’s hand finally latched onto Eren’s successfully, and Eren threw his head back in defeat, turning the screen off. Just as he did, something out of his peripheral vision demanded his attention. His spine perked up and he immediately grabbed Jean’s arm before Jean could say anything.

 

“Oh my god.” Eren remarked, staring into the distance.

“What, WHAT?” Jean panicked, hearing the serious tone laced in Eren’s voice.

“Over there. That shop.”

“What shop, for fuck’s sake?”

“The one with the yellow curtains behind the window, I can see a mannequin with cravats. The store sells colonial cravats oh my god we have to go in they literally don’t sell these in store anywhere Jean we have to go!”

“What, you’re actually gonna buy one?” Jean asked incredulously. 

Eren glanced at him sideways with a mischievous glint in his eye. “The frilliest one we can find. So Levi can shove it up his ass.”

Jean gaped. A passerbyer coughed.

 

A bell rang weakly as they entered the quaint shop. Thin, yellow curtains cast an amber glow into the interior, highlighting the specs of dust that nested in the air. The eerie silence was-

“It’s…really quiet, isn’t it.” Eren noted.

“Yeah. Is it…is the store even open right now?”

A small handwritten note on the door answered their question.

“Oh.” Jean said dumbly. “It says they’ll be back in 15 for lunch.”

“And they didn’t lock the door? Seriously?”

“If the manager is anywhere near as old as this store looks, then that’s not really a surprise.”

“Hmm. We can pay when they get back.” Eren dashed to the storefront. “For now, let’s choose something!”

 

Eren ran to pinch the fabric of the cravat that dressed the mannequin, a look of pure consideration on his face. Jean leaned back on the countertop, folding his arms as he watched the other choose. The soft amber light seemed to become blinding. 

 

“He verbally abuses you whenever you see him and yet you’re so loyal.” Jean noted.

Eren’s eyes didn’t leave the frilly fabric. “Throwing shade?”

“What?”

“Thought you spoke teen slang.”

Jean could’ve sworn he could feel each individual grain of wood of the countertop underneath his palms. “I do.” Had small talk always been this awkward? “Speak teen slang.” Jean clarified.

Eren looked up, suddenly aware of the increasingly sullen mood. He dropped his hand from the cravat, tilting his head to try and meet Jean’s downcast gaze. “You verbally abuse me too.” Eren offered lightly. He smiled as Jean managed to glance at him before looking away again.

“Yeah, well,” Jean became acutely aware of the rhythmic thunk of his heels against the table. He didn’t know when he had started swinging his legs. “Its mutual so…”

 

With interest, Eren began to notice the smallest of pouts beginning to form on Jean’s face. 

“Hey.” Eren spoke firmly.

“Hmm?” Jean answered noncommittally.

 

Shying closer, Eren hesitated for a split moment before leaning forwards and pressing a brief peck to the corner of Jean’s mouth.

 

Eren’s heart plunged from his ribcage to his stomach as he felt Jean jump backwards, a loud _THUMP_ resounding from where Jean’s feet had slammed against the table.

 

“What-” Jean instinctively brought a hand to his nose in an attempt to cover the growing redness he could feel spreading across his face like a forest fire. The sensation of Eren’s lips against his skin seemed to burn. “Oi, what was that?!”

“You looked stupid.” 

“So you kissed me??”

“I don’t-” _Oh god._ “I don’t think that would really be clarified as a kiss.” Eren explained, wearily. How the hell was he going to get himself out of this one? “You looked stupid. That’s it. So let’s just get a goddamned cravat and get out of here, okay.”

“But…”

“No buts.” 

 

The second Eren pivoted around to face the direction of the door, he felt felt an intent tugging on his sleeve. Jean pulled him back to face him.

“That’s not fair.” Jean stated. “If you get a kiss, then I’m getting one too.” _I actually just said that holy shit why the fuck did I just say that._

“What? This isn’t some sort of competition, you know. Genius.”

“I can’t kiss you because I want to?”

“Why would you want to?”

“Figure it out, genius.” Jean threw the insult back.

“So what, you like me or something?” Eren challenged.

 

At the provocation, Jean tightened his grip on Eren’s sleeve once again, closing the bare distance between their two bodies. He could see the other’s Adam’s apple bob as Eren swallowed, noticing Jean’s gaze flickering from his eyes to his mouth.

 

“Or something.”

 

Before he knew it, their lips were touching and heat blossomed in Eren’s chest. His arms intuitively rose to hoop around Jean’s neck, pushing him against him. The touch felt immeasurably reassuring and possessive. He could feel Jean kissing him, a mix of languid and needy, and Eren responded to everything. His blood rushed through his ears; the sound of the ocean crashing against the cliffside, thrashing uncontrollably onto the rocks. Yet nothing had ever felt so sure, so certain and right.

 

Their mouths separated briefly and Eren took a deep breath. He was surprised at the clarity of his mind, at how the comfort of their proximity made his heart race faster than the lingering taste of Jean in his mouth.

 

“Is this going to be a thing now?” Eren asked softly.

“That depends.” Jean felt the corner of his mouth curve upwards. “Are you going to be my boyfriend?”

Eren answered by drawing Jean in for another kiss.

 

It was completely understandable that upon entering the store, the owner, who arrived to a rather public display of affection, did not allow for the transaction of any cravats but simply demand the couple to leave the store immediately.

 

 

 

 

Armin [12:12pm]: Afternoon Jean

Armin [12:12pm]: I know I shouldn’t be too pushy buuut

Armin [12:12pm]: How did the 'outing' it go

Armin [12:12pm]: You didn’t even tell me

Armin [12:12pm]: It’s been a day

 

Jean [12:13pm]: Oh shit sorry Ar

Jean [12:13pm]: Well

Jean [12:14pm]: Pretty sure we're dating now?

 

Armin [12:14pm]: REALLY?! YES!! THAT IS SPLENDID

Armin [12:14pm]: HOW WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY

 

Jean [12:15pm]: I told him that he was hotter than the bottom of my laptop

 

Armin [12:16pm]: YES

Armin [12:16pm]: I KNEW THAT ONE WOULD WORK

 

Jean [12:20pm]: …yeah…well that was after I got jealous over Levi for like a millisecond so Eren kissed me and then we made out

 

Armin [12:21pm]: Wtf Jean

 

Jean [12:22pm]: Yee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whatjusthappened


End file.
